Oh The Strings….

Still releasing attachments. There are SO many. My life was being completely consumed with fuzzy, deteriorating strings. Heavy, dark, and unhopeful. What I thought were dreams eventually became my nightmares.

I am seeing now that I do not want children. I like them in my life, and they are THE most precious thing on this planet in my opinion, but I’m not raising one. No matter how cute you are… Too many times, in fear of conflict or loss, I succumbed to the dream of another to have a child. I showed all the appropriate excitement and desire and romance thoughts toward this idea but deep down inside there was a little shadow screaming that I didn’t even spend enough time with me, so what the heck was I thinking? And she was right. I need and want this time of mine and perhaps I am selfish with it at the moment, but that’s what I need to do me and I will not be ashamed of it. Cause the world definitely needs a Tamberine, right? Duh.

I do not, and have not truly ever, desired to be married. Now you may be saying to yourself, “Now Tamberine, you are so full of it! I’ve seen and heard you turn into a literal puddle of child mess when so and so asked you to marry him!” (This had happened 3 times in my life) Yes, you are correct. But was this MY dream or his? If you asked a 17 year old me this question, you would have gotten a BIG FAT no, and maybe a look of wtf, and a big shake of the head. And not out of fear but out of determination that I do what I want and don’t need a peice of paper to describe my love to make it so.  Haha This girl CAN NOT be tied down or else she will die. And I have proven that over and over again. Ball and chain equals death. Haha Ok. Maybe that’s a tiny bit dramatic. I do enjoy and require commitment, but not necessarily a legal bond. It’s just not needed in my opinion.

I want community more than I want a love partner. These two can work together but in the past have drawn me away from my community and life goals. We must all work together within our lives to truly thrive. If the man I am smitten with does not fit into this dream, how is it fair for either of us to continue chipping parts of ourselves away? Compromise is good, but too much is draining.

I am also releasing the attachment to traditional views of success. The whole get a good job and make lots of money, have a family and die thing has never really worked for me and only became a goal from outside influence. It has stuck for many years that no matter what I do in life that these goals must be met as well. The itch to take care of this was almost a dull ache as time went on. The minutes were ticking away.  This is so against what my soul truly believes though. I believe there are millions of ways to be successful and they all look different from one another, so why am I judging mine based on another person’s idea of it? Or society’s idea of it? Just conditioning. And fortunately reconditioning is a thing. Working on this.

These are just a few of the major attachments that I have been unsurfacing recently through my journey of healing and self discovery. They appear on their own as they always have and I have finally been able to tune in, listen to my heart and release the ones that don’t belong to me. Bye Felicia. Have a nice trip. 😂

Good day to you all and may your dreams come true. ❤💥🦄


Love Will Hold Down the Fort

All she could see were the dimensions. No explanations. No official form or structure. Just the dimensions, floating around in The Big Squishy all loose like gum balls in a candy machine. Naturally, traveling through this in a time as mysterious as today would be a disaster, but she had few choices and this one was the least excruciating. “Go with your flow Child. Trust the light within,” lingering in her ears as fresh as it was first spoken, she attempted to gather her thoughts and belongings and piece  them together as best she could and put some oatmeal on the stove. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day…

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