Oh The Strings….

Still releasing attachments. There are SO many. My life was being completely consumed with fuzzy, deteriorating strings. Heavy, dark, and unhopeful. What I thought were dreams eventually became my nightmares.

I am seeing now that I do not want children. I like them in my life, and they are THE most precious thing on this planet in my opinion, but I’m not raising one. No matter how cute you are… Too many times, in fear of conflict or loss, I succumbed to the dream of another to have a child. I showed all the appropriate excitement and desire and romance thoughts toward this idea but deep down inside there was a little shadow screaming that I didn’t even spend enough time with me, so what the heck was I thinking? And she was right. I need and want this time of mine and perhaps I am selfish with it at the moment, but that’s what I need to do me and I will not be ashamed of it. Cause the world definitely needs a Tamberine, right? Duh.

I do not, and have not truly ever, desired to be married. Now you may be saying to yourself, “Now Tamberine, you are so full of it! I’ve seen and heard you turn into a literal puddle of child mess when so and so asked you to marry him!” (This had happened 3 times in my life) Yes, you are correct. But was this MY dream or his? If you asked a 17 year old me this question, you would have gotten a BIG FAT no, and maybe a look of wtf, and a big shake of the head. And not out of fear but out of determination that I do what I want and don’t need a peice of paper to describe my love to make it so.  Haha This girl CAN NOT be tied down or else she will die. And I have proven that over and over again. Ball and chain equals death. Haha Ok. Maybe that’s a tiny bit dramatic. I do enjoy and require commitment, but not necessarily a legal bond. It’s just not needed in my opinion.

I want community more than I want a love partner. These two can work together but in the past have drawn me away from my community and life goals. We must all work together within our lives to truly thrive. If the man I am smitten with does not fit into this dream, how is it fair for either of us to continue chipping parts of ourselves away? Compromise is good, but too much is draining.

I am also releasing the attachment to traditional views of success. The whole get a good job and make lots of money, have a family and die thing has never really worked for me and only became a goal from outside influence. It has stuck for many years that no matter what I do in life that these goals must be met as well. The itch to take care of this was almost a dull ache as time went on. The minutes were ticking away.  This is so against what my soul truly believes though. I believe there are millions of ways to be successful and they all look different from one another, so why am I judging mine based on another person’s idea of it? Or society’s idea of it? Just conditioning. And fortunately reconditioning is a thing. Working on this.

These are just a few of the major attachments that I have been unsurfacing recently through my journey of healing and self discovery. They appear on their own as they always have and I have finally been able to tune in, listen to my heart and release the ones that don’t belong to me. Bye Felicia. Have a nice trip. 😂

Good day to you all and may your dreams come true. ❤💥🦄


Desire, How I Missed Thee…

Things to Remember:
There is virtue in all that you do. EVERYTHING has purpose. Time is a wheel, not a line. You are the Gatekeeper. Unicorns and Fairies DO EXIST. Heaven is actually NeverNeverLand. We are one. Sparkles, onesies, and body paint are always an option. Do what you want. Harm none. LOVE PREVAILS ALL.

Snow Daze

I’m here. I’m breathing. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing. NOTHING I suppose. This is definitely way better than facing the threat of getting my face blown off every day, yet since that threat isn’t there at the moment, I feel all kinds of discontent for my position. In an attempt to make my life better through chasing sparkles, danger, excitement, happiness, love, (ALL THE THINGS!), I successfully made it stay exactly the way it was before. Empty. None of those things stood a chance of filling me up, because there is something very much more important missing. An enormous, gaping ravine of nothingnes begging to be violated over and over until the tears stop and the body begins to move. “Come on body, just move.” Nothing….
What to do? ANYTHING. There it is again. Just do something. Get moving. Make the gears turn. Make the muscles move. It’s medicine.
I see this pattern repeated continuously through many of the faces I see throughout life every day. My family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, even the cashier at the local coffee shop. Emptiness. Lack of being full. Something missing for this heart to be whole. The want to be free, for just a little while, of the chase that seems to be never ending.
And I will tell you now, that I have no answers. I wish I did. I can’t figure this one out. How can I have what I need and be so completely aloof? Why do those little voices say such mean things when I am aimlessly floating around the ethereal simply trying to get my groove on. Maybe they are jealous. Maybe they are just jerks. Or maybe they are me. Trying to tell myself to aim higher, do better, love harder. Even at the expense of me. I know that’s kinda silly. Me destroys Me. Now there’s a truth that isn’t spoken enough.



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