Desire, How I Missed Thee…

Things to Remember:
There is virtue in all that you do. EVERYTHING has purpose. Time is a wheel, not a line. You are the Gatekeeper. Unicorns and Fairies DO EXIST. Heaven is actually NeverNeverLand. We are one. Sparkles, onesies, and body paint are always an option. Do what you want. Harm none. LOVE PREVAILS ALL.

Snow Daze

I’m here. I’m breathing. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing. NOTHING I suppose. This is definitely way better than facing the threat of getting my face blown off every day, yet since that threat isn’t there at the moment, I feel all kinds of discontent for my position. In an attempt to make my life better through chasing sparkles, danger, excitement, happiness, love, (ALL THE THINGS!), I successfully made it stay exactly the way it was before. Empty. None of those things stood a chance of filling me up, because there is something very much more important missing. An enormous, gaping ravine of nothingnes begging to be violated over and over until the tears stop and the body begins to move. “Come on body, just move.” Nothing….
What to do? ANYTHING. There it is again. Just do something. Get moving. Make the gears turn. Make the muscles move. It’s medicine.
I see this pattern repeated continuously through many of the faces I see throughout life every day. My family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, even the cashier at the local coffee shop. Emptiness. Lack of being full. Something missing for this heart to be whole. The want to be free, for just a little while, of the chase that seems to be never ending.
And I will tell you now, that I have no answers. I wish I did. I can’t figure this one out. How can I have what I need and be so completely aloof? Why do those little voices say such mean things when I am aimlessly floating around the ethereal simply trying to get my groove on. Maybe they are jealous. Maybe they are just jerks. Or maybe they are me. Trying to tell myself to aim higher, do better, love harder. Even at the expense of me. I know that’s kinda silly. Me destroys Me. Now there’s a truth that isn’t spoken enough.

Aside

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