Oh The Strings….

Still releasing attachments. There are SO many. My life was being completely consumed with fuzzy, deteriorating strings. Heavy, dark, and unhopeful. What I thought were dreams eventually became my nightmares.

I am seeing now that I do not want children. I like them in my life, and they are THE most precious thing on this planet in my opinion, but I’m not raising one. No matter how cute you are… Too many times, in fear of conflict or loss, I succumbed to the dream of another to have a child. I showed all the appropriate excitement and desire and romance thoughts toward this idea but deep down inside there was a little shadow screaming that I didn’t even spend enough time with me, so what the heck was I thinking? And she was right. I need and want this time of mine and perhaps I am selfish with it at the moment, but that’s what I need to do me and I will not be ashamed of it. Cause the world definitely needs a Tamberine, right? Duh.

I do not, and have not truly ever, desired to be married. Now you may be saying to yourself, “Now Tamberine, you are so full of it! I’ve seen and heard you turn into a literal puddle of child mess when so and so asked you to marry him!” (This had happened 3 times in my life) Yes, you are correct. But was this MY dream or his? If you asked a 17 year old me this question, you would have gotten a BIG FAT no, and maybe a look of wtf, and a big shake of the head. And not out of fear but out of determination that I do what I want and don’t need a peice of paper to describe my love to make it so.  Haha This girl CAN NOT be tied down or else she will die. And I have proven that over and over again. Ball and chain equals death. Haha Ok. Maybe that’s a tiny bit dramatic. I do enjoy and require commitment, but not necessarily a legal bond. It’s just not needed in my opinion.

I want community more than I want a love partner. These two can work together but in the past have drawn me away from my community and life goals. We must all work together within our lives to truly thrive. If the man I am smitten with does not fit into this dream, how is it fair for either of us to continue chipping parts of ourselves away? Compromise is good, but too much is draining.

I am also releasing the attachment to traditional views of success. The whole get a good job and make lots of money, have a family and die thing has never really worked for me and only became a goal from outside influence. It has stuck for many years that no matter what I do in life that these goals must be met as well. The itch to take care of this was almost a dull ache as time went on. The minutes were ticking away.  This is so against what my soul truly believes though. I believe there are millions of ways to be successful and they all look different from one another, so why am I judging mine based on another person’s idea of it? Or society’s idea of it? Just conditioning. And fortunately reconditioning is a thing. Working on this.

These are just a few of the major attachments that I have been unsurfacing recently through my journey of healing and self discovery. They appear on their own as they always have and I have finally been able to tune in, listen to my heart and release the ones that don’t belong to me. Bye Felicia. Have a nice trip. 😂

Good day to you all and may your dreams come true. ❤💥🦄


Desire, How I Missed Thee…

Things to Remember:
There is virtue in all that you do. EVERYTHING has purpose. Time is a wheel, not a line. You are the Gatekeeper. Unicorns and Fairies DO EXIST. Heaven is actually NeverNeverLand. We are one. Sparkles, onesies, and body paint are always an option. Do what you want. Harm none. LOVE PREVAILS ALL.

Inspired by The Boat and a Little Footed Spark

I’m sitting here on the kitchen floor (I affectionately call it The Boat) greedily soaking up the only sun rays beaming  in the house. It’s my favorite spot and I’m not moving. It’s warm and the rays are shining on my house boots perfectly so that they are projecting disco ball fairies onto the ceiling. Magical. No words are coming to my fuzzy head at the moment, so I start telling Spark about how I need to follow my soul to the West. New Mexico maybe. Arizona. I want to see Havasu falls. Or Oregon.. She pipes in about the current situation in Oregon. With the ranchers. This stresses me out. I don’t wanna talk about it. And to add to the annoyance, it’s becoming a racial issue all over again. Fucking A. Why? No one wants to be responsible. This leads me to think about the current divisions in our country. The fear, the pointing of fingers, the lack of responsibility for one’s own actions. CONTROL. The more we let this happen, the more we actually give our country away. The more power we lose individually and as a whole. The more fear and seperation we create. If you step back though, you will see that many are fighting for the same cause; yet are still divided because of race, class, gender, sexual preference, religion,  or culture among many other unimportant reasons. Most of us just want to be happy and free.  We are being tricked here. The only way to beat a bigger enemy is to unite our forces and fight side by side. So instead of being offended that a certain group is fighting the good fight and not meeting as much resistance as another group would, let us instead support them in their endeavors and fight the bigger problem together. Don’t be a part of The Color Club. Or the You’re Not Like Me Club. Or The You Don’t Believe What I Believe Club. In fact, screw the clubs. We are all in the Human Club (most of us…)! We can think for ourselves as individuals and say “Fuck all this separation.”  “I LOVE YOU.” “Let’s cuddle.”  “I support you.” “Thank you for doing something.” “Thank you for living.” “Thank you for being you.”  Love, kindness, compassion, and respect. They go a long way. WE can make a change.


%d bloggers like this: