Oh The Strings….

Still releasing attachments. There are SO many. My life was being completely consumed with fuzzy, deteriorating strings. Heavy, dark, and unhopeful. What I thought were dreams eventually became my nightmares.

I am seeing now that I do not want children. I like them in my life, and they are THE most precious thing on this planet in my opinion, but I’m not raising one. No matter how cute you are… Too many times, in fear of conflict or loss, I succumbed to the dream of another to have a child. I showed all the appropriate excitement and desire and romance thoughts toward this idea but deep down inside there was a little shadow screaming that I didn’t even spend enough time with me, so what the heck was I thinking? And she was right. I need and want this time of mine and perhaps I am selfish with it at the moment, but that’s what I need to do me and I will not be ashamed of it. Cause the world definitely needs a Tamberine, right? Duh.

I do not, and have not truly ever, desired to be married. Now you may be saying to yourself, “Now Tamberine, you are so full of it! I’ve seen and heard you turn into a literal puddle of child mess when so and so asked you to marry him!” (This had happened 3 times in my life) Yes, you are correct. But was this MY dream or his? If you asked a 17 year old me this question, you would have gotten a BIG FAT no, and maybe a look of wtf, and a big shake of the head. And not out of fear but out of determination that I do what I want and don’t need a peice of paper to describe my love to make it so.  Haha This girl CAN NOT be tied down or else she will die. And I have proven that over and over again. Ball and chain equals death. Haha Ok. Maybe that’s a tiny bit dramatic. I do enjoy and require commitment, but not necessarily a legal bond. It’s just not needed in my opinion.

I want community more than I want a love partner. These two can work together but in the past have drawn me away from my community and life goals. We must all work together within our lives to truly thrive. If the man I am smitten with does not fit into this dream, how is it fair for either of us to continue chipping parts of ourselves away? Compromise is good, but too much is draining.

I am also releasing the attachment to traditional views of success. The whole get a good job and make lots of money, have a family and die thing has never really worked for me and only became a goal from outside influence. It has stuck for many years that no matter what I do in life that these goals must be met as well. The itch to take care of this was almost a dull ache as time went on. The minutes were ticking away.  This is so against what my soul truly believes though. I believe there are millions of ways to be successful and they all look different from one another, so why am I judging mine based on another person’s idea of it? Or society’s idea of it? Just conditioning. And fortunately reconditioning is a thing. Working on this.

These are just a few of the major attachments that I have been unsurfacing recently through my journey of healing and self discovery. They appear on their own as they always have and I have finally been able to tune in, listen to my heart and release the ones that don’t belong to me. Bye Felicia. Have a nice trip. 😂

Good day to you all and may your dreams come true. ❤💥🦄


The Bucket List

This is my Bucket List. It will get longer over time and things that have been accomplished will be shown but crossed through. I wanna do all the things!

Swim with dolphins

Visit California

Hike the AT

Live on a lot of land

Live offgrid

Buy an RV

Leave the country

Go to outer space (this may have been accomplished via portals to the cosmos but is unproveable at this time)

Visit Ireland

Visit Sweden

Visit India

Travel the country in my RV

See Havasu Falls

Visit Oregon

Visit Colorado

Live in a tree house

Live in the woods near a waterfall

Be Free

Witness a total solar eclipse (wtf that was crazy)

Live and work on a farm

Go to Burning Man!

Own my own business

Become a successful craftswoman and artist

Learn to spin fire and be a circus freak

Find true unconditional love and happiness within myself

Magical Thinking

When you take your whimsy

By the flimsy

And tell it where to go

Magical concoctions

And excited eruptions

Are sure to overflow. 


Practical Activism

I have been thinking a lot about the situation in Standing Rock and similar occurrences of social activism happening all over the country. I am so proud of my brothers and sisters who are risking their well being and at times their lives to protect what is sacred. To protect life.  I had such a burning desire to go to North Dakota in the middle of winter. I WANTED to camp in the cold, work hard, face “the man” without fear, learn to appreciate our Mother more and grow as a human being. Then I looked at my life in its current state.  I was discouraged by the reality that at this very moment in time, when my heart is already thousands of miles away living in a tipi, I could not do that and fix the wounds and problems that were here at home. And let’s face it. No matter how far or fast you run, the unresolved past usually catches up with you eventually. I chose to stay home and care for myself and my little pack, as well as plant seeds for the future. 

Fast forward a few more months (maybe 6), I knew I had made the right choice. My burning desire to help change the world for the better was still in full force as always,  but I also had an extreme pull to keep the forward momentum going here at the Blanket Fort. I worked on my emotional and physical health, my animals’ health (in the blink of an eye, I now have a senior dog!), caring for my home, growing my own food, building two businesses, building bridges and mending broken ones. All of these things made me feel empowered, yet something still felt like it was missing. My part in social and environmental justice. It’s been engrained inside of me since I was very very small. Take care of others as you would yourself. Show care and love. Yes! But how can I balance activism with all of the other things I needed in my life? I signed petitions, attended protests, gathered funds and  items for those that were on the front lines of it all. I found myself exhausted. It wasn’t balanced. I had to find other ways to make an impact, and the perfectionist in me wanted it to be a big one. After a lot of pondering and meditation, I realized I was already making the impact in what I changed within my life. Here is what I mean…

First, By growing food in my yard using permaculture and biodynamic techniques, I am not only taking charge of my own health, I am helping rebuild the soil that has been depleted of its nutrients from years of pollution and trash that is common in my neighborhood. I am building a mini paradise in the middle of the city! Not to mention, being healthy yourself, allows you to do more for you, your community, and your surroundings. Win/win! 

Second, I buy food and supplies from local farms that use safe and friendly farm practices, farmers markets, flea markets, and use the barter system. This greatly impacts not only my health and well being, but also my local economy. It’s a great form of activism to just stop using the system that you are against. Don’t like Monsanto’s frankenfood? Grow it yourself. Or stress hormones and disease in the meat that comes from mistreated animals in the agriculture industry? (And the methane gas? Wow. Have you driven past a place with hundreds of cows standing shoulder to shoulder pooping, peeing, and eating wherever they can? I have. I could smell them about two miles before my eyes could see the abuse. We can do better than this.) Buy from a trusted farmer or butcher that gets the meat from a trusted source. Farm to table butchering workshops are enlightening. Check out the sources of your food and supplies and buy natural whenever possible. It’s seems small, but actually makes a huge impact. Especially if more of us make the switch. 

Third, I like to use sustainable and/or earth friendly supplies whenever possible. I make my own cleaners and bath/body products to ensure quality control and cost effectiveness. (I sell these as well). I store these in reuseable glass containers. I buy in bulk and avoid plastic and unnecessary packaging like the plague (NO DAPL!) I am in the process of switching to solar and wind power and rain catching to reduce dependacy on the grid and also to use more sustainable resources. A future goal of mine is to convert my car to use a form of energy other than oil. 

Lastly, I prefer to rely on my own resources more than publicly funded and provided. Taking charge of my health, education, assets and thinking for myself changed my life drastically for the better. I am moving away from banks and imaginary money.  Bartering and using recycled or upcycled materials is not only easy on the wallet, but creates less waste. We literally have enough resources on the planet to live in abundance, if we use our creative minds and consume less. Also, learning to  live with less and sharing our skills and “wealth” distributes it better to much needed places. Western medicine and public education are helpful and positive in many ways, but seem to be lacking in many others. I like to supplement where they lack. Holistic medicine, herbology, acupuncture, massage therapy, Traditional Chinese Medicine and the library are my best allies. Basically, you just need to remember, no one knows it all. You can and should do your own research and ask a lot of questions. Why not? It’s your life and everyone’s future that can benefit from knowledge and integrity. Oh, and share that too!! 

And what is the point of sharing all this with you? I’m sharing because knowledge is power, sharing is caring, and love always wins. I want everyone to feel empowered in their own situation, as unique as it is. I want everyone to know its not hopeless and we have options. We don’t have to be the strong and brave Water Protectors on the front lines to do our part and make a positive impact. We can all be an activist if we actively make changes in our own life and surroundings. And if you have the bravery and spunk to be outspoken and proactive in a more in your face (yet peaceful)  kind of way, by all means do that too. The world needs a lot less fear, and tons more love right now. Give Mamma a hug. ❤️🦄


Ice Bursts on a Sunny Afternoon

Can you dig it? My long time friend and co-conspirator Johnny Dandruff and I have been making weekly treks into the woods for a few months now. Rain or shine. Or sometimes snow… This began as a way to get ourselves out in Nature and to test some of JD’s gear that he has been collecting. Now it’s a routine that is much appreciated and desired for each weeks ‘Spiritual Adventures.’ The Ice Flowers mesmerized us for quite some time in the semi melted rocky woods of the Boro. They were freshly bursted (yup I made that one up) and on display in the shade just shy of the Sun’s warming rays. We created hilarious stories as to how they were formed and I acted them out with great enthusiasm. I’m sure you can imagine. We stared at them in awe for what seemed like ages. We (I) talked to them. They were pretty quiet. Like fancy little Unicorns. Always keeping you guessing.


Desire, How I Missed Thee…

Things to Remember:
There is virtue in all that you do. EVERYTHING has purpose. Time is a wheel, not a line. You are the Gatekeeper. Unicorns and Fairies DO EXIST. Heaven is actually NeverNeverLand. We are one. Sparkles, onesies, and body paint are always an option. Do what you want. Harm none. LOVE PREVAILS ALL.


Snow Daze

I’m here. I’m breathing. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing. NOTHING I suppose. This is definitely way better than facing the threat of getting my face blown off every day, yet since that threat isn’t there at the moment, I feel all kinds of discontent for my position. In an attempt to make my life better through chasing sparkles, danger, excitement, happiness, love, (ALL THE THINGS!), I successfully made it stay exactly the way it was before. Empty. None of those things stood a chance of filling me up, because there is something very much more important missing. An enormous, gaping ravine of nothingnes begging to be violated over and over until the tears stop and the body begins to move. “Come on body, just move.” Nothing….
What to do? ANYTHING. There it is again. Just do something. Get moving. Make the gears turn. Make the muscles move. It’s medicine.
I see this pattern repeated continuously through many of the faces I see throughout life every day. My family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, even the cashier at the local coffee shop. Emptiness. Lack of being full. Something missing for this heart to be whole. The want to be free, for just a little while, of the chase that seems to be never ending.
And I will tell you now, that I have no answers. I wish I did. I can’t figure this one out. How can I have what I need and be so completely aloof? Why do those little voices say such mean things when I am aimlessly floating around the ethereal simply trying to get my groove on. Maybe they are jealous. Maybe they are just jerks. Or maybe they are me. Trying to tell myself to aim higher, do better, love harder. Even at the expense of me. I know that’s kinda silly. Me destroys Me. Now there’s a truth that isn’t spoken enough.



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