Waking Up

I have been resisting. I have hidden from flow and change. I ran from love. Dodged knowledge that was uncomfortable. Refused care. Stuffed myself into the tiniest little square box. It was purple with sparkles but flimsy with shame and regret. I now know why and I am changing this as we speak. I am realigning with life. Choosing love over fear. It is so easy to speak these phrases and I spoke them over and over for years until my ears bled and my heart shriveled into an unrecognizable mess and I still felt as empty as always, if not more so. Why wasn’t it working? I eventually found it wasn’t the words. It wasn’t the truth. It wasn’t an outward force out of my control impending doom on my every breath. It was my own manifestations of fear that kept me in the confines of abuse, mistrust, anxiety, toxicity, and neglect. We are truly our own worst enemy, yes?

As I type these words, I am making a promise. To me, to everyone, to the Universe. I will flow with my heart and soul as I was meant to from this day forward. No more second guessing. No more self destruction. No more unkind speak and actions towards myself and others. I am not here for you or her or him or it. I just am. And it feels a little bit like LOVE.


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